POETRY

Collection of Letters and Poems Written for Friends and Lovers

Photo by Annie Nash

Friends, Old & New

You cluster together in my memory,

behind closed lids, in the light speed moving colors of the mind.

And now in front of me.

Your faces,

present, smiling, asking.

I want to be quiet with you.

To honor all the that has passed.

That has passed, that has passed

between us and around.

You show up again,

laughing.

Telling new adventures of love and kindness and murder, danger, boredom.

I feel empty and full at the same time

Have nothing to give but my tired being

and my mind that rushes to hold on to old complaints.

I take myself seriously

and wish I was some place else.

Now it's time to feel your absence,

the void,

the lack of sounds and bodies,

which I have taken note of time and again in the past few months.

Your bodies,

specifically yours,

and you you you,

the texture and the pressure of your skin,

flying way up high sticks and balls and clubs surround you.

And here in Boulder

old friends mingling with new.

Life keeps thrusting itself like giant waves at my determined,

and thrashing body.

My heart is feeble and alarmed whispering

take time.

Take time to honor all that has gone.

Spring time is here,

where did my winter go?

Slipped away in the sweat of the tropics.

Collapse into a somewhat cheerful mess,

It's time to miss, and notice

you are gone.

For Gene,

At the edge of a cliff

I sit with my friend

Our legs dangling down

the abyss

*

And most of all I want to write to you

Have beauty shower us

Let our eyelids close and shiver in pleasure.

Send you poems, quotes, movies to watch

so you could see me,

hosted by words

to outline our meeting, and the endless outpour of embarrassed smiles

I know your heart is as soft as hot jello

you guard it with your crossed arms

and your rational

I adapt that position, try it on, know it wont last.

I am different then you,

My heart blazes out in outstretched arms searching to grab the ones it wants.

While you stand there,

ears blocked.

This poem doesn't do you justice

and we are both concerned with that.

However, as my fingers fly and excitement swells up in my throat

(after all, it's you I am writing for)

Will you forgive as I fail to mention

your kindness.

And that last conversation that we had about my dreams of pain.

And the way we did not know, how to say goodbye.

For Mathias

Eating pomegranate seeds from your palm.

Your scratchy head, your eyes.

Turning and seeing you only after I felt the weight of your hand on my waist

and the warmth growing inside me, liquid breath.

And the sounds of birds and time slowing down among the olive trees.
Drip drop they fall onto the plastic sheet
Je veux un calin
I want a hug

This body that is quivering, aching,
to grab you and toss you around

Fill me with your smell, your sperm

I want to eat you alive and throw flowers in the air
Marking my territory on your body with my fingers, strokes, taste

I pause to breath and reflect
Who is this writing, thinking this movement, these words?
Who are you?

Explosions in the streets,

Our eyes refelcting pain yet we try to hold on to love
Dumbstruck, bombed, but we try to hold on.

We tell each other there is nothing else to do but love,

but the barrier between us been constructed for so long

lover, touch it gently with your fingers, collapse into that wall

into that damn damn wall erected like a fucker in the middle of a school yard.

German father, son, curly headed man

How you look so fine at 49, at 49...

I try to not posses you though I can't
Burning, I stand closer to the fire,

feel my heart well beyond the boundaries of my chest

like a screaming cat, my hairs are electrified

Turn your gaze away,

take a tear,

take a breath and go to sleep

lover,

Where do I go from here?
From your hand inside my pussy
From eating you alive
Where do I go from here?

In my heart I am begging, please don't be with her
Why? I ask why but there is no curiosity

only fear and anger and a plea
Don't do it, it would be too hard
The last straw, the last stroke, to prove that you are not mine and never was.

So what is this lover? What does it mean to love?

I lean against these columns like a cold marble prison

Is that you lover? Is this love?

Possess you and arrest you

put you inside my prison and eat you alive
Possess you and arrest you
Put you inside my fear

High walls, cement and love go well together

and we dance

Burning

I am done, but not quite ,
dumbstruck
standing

my feet to the fire

my soul yearning

please

Give me water.

*

we are bound

your words express my feelings

my ideas and thoughts run through you

affecting and shaping your being

to be articulated again

Recycled, reused in another scene

You and me a mirror

Flesh around a bone

An eye in a socket

your tears rattle my heart

to be understood in the most anciant of ways

Fasinated, concrened,

melted by the same things

We are joined with others

We all love

We are all confused and pores

All in pain, searching frevrently for a solution

Clown

My delinquencies are splayed in front of you,

leaving no hiding room.

Will you see me over time?

will you excuse the desperation,

and the way I just give myself to you full force

take me, love me, you are my new friend

do you love me

love me love me?

,אל המשפחה שלי

אולי משהו בשקט הגדול הזה של ההרים

.גורם לי לשים לב יותר לדקירות הגעגועים אליכם

.כמה זה מסובך

וגם החיים פשוט ממשיכים כל הזמן

ואני איתם, ממשיכה לבחור להיות רחוקה